Diagnosed with Bear Fantasy Syndrome in Yellowstone Park

If I were a bear in Yellowstone 🐻... Free and unfettered Sun's baking my furry butt! Time to explore Yellowstone's massive backyard! Find a rock and plop—leave a poop 💩? Territory marked ✅ Tummy rumbling, what's for lunch 🤔? Munch berries on the hillside, juice smeared all over my face! Spot a little black bear? Roar—scram! Saunter to the roadside, sit on hind legs, front paws clasped—POSE ready! Metal boxes (cars) screech to a halt, cameras flashing like crazy 📸! Easily the center of attention, hehehe If you really, really adore me Just say: "Bear buddy, let's poop together!" If too many folks make requests, you'll have to take a number and wait 🤣 ⛳️ My royal stomping grounds: 1️⃣ Lamar Valley: My hunting grounds! At dawn and dusk, mama bears bring cubs here to chase bison and nibble wildflowers. You humans with your "cannons" (binoculars) crowding the roadside? Spotted you ages ago! 2️⃣ Hayden Valley: When spring/summer wildflowers bloom, I love rolling here. Road lined with metal boxes (cars)? Pfft, just trying to sneak pics of me berry-munching! 3️⃣ Mammoth-Tower Road: My private promenade! Trees for shade, streams for paw-soaking. You driving back and forth "staking me out"? Watch out when I cross! 4️⃣ Fishing Bridge & Yellowstone Lake: My 5-star spa! Lucky visitors might catch me shaking water off my fur—make sure you get my good side! 😡 Encountering His Majesty? These things piss me off: 🔔 Don't be "nearsighted"! Stay 91m away (~football field length)! Idiots creeping within 10m with cameras get rangers to pepper spray me... seriously, got a death wish? 🔔 No handouts! Tossing apples or bread? Last fool who offered honey made me chew through his car window! Eating human food gets me labeled a "problem bear"—trying to murder me? 🔔 Don't run like rabbits! Turn and sprint? My 50km/h dash speed and maxed-out climbing skills will kick in... backing away slowly? Smart move. 🔔 Never mess with mama bears! Protective moms will take on wolf packs! Waving selfie sticks near cubs? Enjoy being tackled—she's not as chill as me. ⚠️ Final warning: If I charge (usually bluffing), link arms to form a "giant two-legged beast." Point bear spray at my nose? I'll bolt faster than you can blink! Alright, dream's over—back to reality 🫣 Off to earn my "berries and meat" paycheck