Peter B
November 4, 2024
This is a poor hotel that if you complain they will put pressure on you to re write the review (I’m not exadurating this as I was summoned to the reception to justify my comments). “Ah, the Grand Ring Hotel – where ‘5-star luxury’ clearly means something very different. If you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to step into a 2-star hotel that dreams of being 5 stars, book your stay here immediately. First, let’s talk about the food. Imagine a buffet that takes the term ‘all-inclusive’ a little too literally: everything included, except flavor. Who knew that chicken could taste like rubber and potatoes like they’d spent the night soaking in salt water? And for breakfast, nothing says ‘fine dining’ like stale pastries paired with watered-down coffee. Bon appétit! The rooms? They were clearly inspired by those “vintage” motels on the side of highways, with walls thin enough to hear every detail of your neighbors’ midnight arguments and beds that might have been soft…in 1985. If you enjoy sleeping on what feels like an ironing board with sheets, you’re in luck! And the amenities – oh, they’re just as ‘luxurious’ as the rest of the place. Pool towels that double as sandpaper, a interior that hasn’t seen an update since the Cold War, and a ‘spa’ that felt more like a public sauna. As for cleanliness, let’s just say you’ll want to bring your own disinfectant. Or maybe a hazmat suit. Staff? Well, if you love the cold charm of disinterested service, you’re in for a treat. I think I even managed to get a whole two-word response from the front desk once, which might be a record. In short, if you’re hoping for a 5-star experience, try the hotel down the road. But if you’re in the mood for a ‘delightful’ 2-star experience with the label of 5-star, the Grand Ring Hotel awaits!”